Friday, July 21, 2006

I am in such a bad mood

That I have warned everyone to keep their distance. Yesterday, I blamed my foul mood on the weather and perhaps it does have something to do with barometric pressure, the heat, or the humidity. Today, I am no better. I have been checking things off the proverbial unending To Do List and, usually, that makes me happy. Today even check marks can't lighten the load. I have even been outside with my camera to look for something happy to blog. I couldn't find it.

The cats are all stretched out in the shade, on the patio touching as little as possible leaching every ounce of cool in the concrete. The horse is sweating in the shade of the barn. The chickens are walking around with their mouths open, panting. The yellow dog's tongue is lolling so far out of his mouth that it may drag the ground. The children are in the house hanging on my back while I sweat in my hot office. AND I feel like I am about to EXPLODE!!!

I refuse to feel this blah! I have checked off two larger projects and a couple of smaller ones in an attempt to lift my spirits. I did a couple of nice things for other people thinking that would help. It didn't. I have exercised, though I have to admit that it was a short session - way too hot for optional exertive activities. I read the news and though I feel lucky that I don't live in Queens, NY where they will have high temperatures and a blackout or in Lebanon, Israel or Iraq where violence is so close that it has to be a constant concern, I felt more depressed because the news has reached a level of volatility and violence that it is movie-like in its unreal reality. The news is certainly not uplifting.

Maybe a bit of online shopping would help. Or losing myself in a cry buckets movie.


zilla said...

Oh, hugs, you...

Your kitty looks like my Patches during his more vigorous years. Made me smile, thinking of all those happy kitty moments he experienced -- back when the patio was about cooling off after the hunt instead of warming up after a cool evening became a warm morning.

Some people are not naturally good at expressing appreciation for a kindness -- this is something every woman knows, I think.

I appreciate you. Even though all the things you do aren't done for me, I so enjoy reading about them. They're huge in their simplicity, and your accounts of them are so well-written. You could be hiding these accounts in a pen and paper journal for nobody else to see, but you're writing them here, where anyone can read them. It takes generosity, Wisteria. I appreciate your generous spirit. You'll bounce back soon, I'm sure.

I do appreciate you.

Hornblower said...

Hmmm. A very wise person told me that when I feel like this, odds are that I'm doing too many "should's" and not enough "want to's".

So Wisteria - what do you really WANT to do? Not what do you have to do, not what should you do, not what do you want to do because it pleases someone else, or because it makes you look better, or because people expect it of you, or because you get a thrill from impressing someone by doing it, or any other thing like that. What do YOU WANT to do?

Sounds so simple. I've been working on it for over 3 years now.


JoVE said...

I 2nd Hornblower's advice. I also recommend chocolate. Maybe a cold beer if you like that sort of thing (or the cold beverage of your choice, really). Turn of the computer (it generates heat). Order take out for dinner.

wisteria said...

Thanks! Ya'll are so kind.

Hornblower, you may be right. I have always had the problem of taking care of other's needs before my own. I do and do and do. There are rewards but sometimes I just feel tired and used.

After having raided the children's candy stash (from the birthday pinata) I gave my poor attitude a good look. I think I am just disappointed. I have these visions of bucolic life and the drought and heat have evicted me from the garden, two of my new fruit trees are dead, and I spend an inordinate amount of time chasing the yellow dog who is chasing and killing my chickens. Never in my vision of country bliss did I see myself chasing the dog at sunrise while clad in my nightgown or a bunch of dead plants where my garden should be. I know that farm life is unpredictable, at best. I grew up here. I just find it difficult to watch all my hours of work to create a beautiful place wither.

Zilla, I wanted to tell you I had a Patches cat, but thought it might make you fell worse about losing yours. I love the yin yang cat.

Anonymous said...

Well, I need to be candid...In south Mississippi in July everyone who doesn't have central air is in a bad mood!

your SIL

wisteria said...

You could be right! I don't mind the heat once I get used to it. Only when the humidity is so thick that you feel like the air is too heavy to breathe, do I get truly uncomfortable.