Seen yourself in someone else and not liked what you saw? I did. I've been wanting to write about it for a while, but I suppose I didn't want any of you to think I'm less than fantastic. When I was at the Viking Cooking School, I stood next to someone so like I am (used to be) that I saw myself. We looked nothing alike, but I recognized an expression and attitude that could have been my own a few years ago. O.K., maybe a few months ago. She had that I know everything; you're wasting my time; I'm too good to be here face that made me suck air as I made sure I had a better attitude.
I didn't like what I saw when I looked at myself. I thought of all the time and fun I have sacrificed pretending - setting up the wall around myself to hide my insecurities. I wonder how many friendships I have voided before they started because of that know it all face.
What about you? Have you ever seen yourself?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Yes! This just happened to me recently. There was a "I am the boss, leader, and I will be the expert" person in a meeting. Horrified, I thought, "that is what I come across as..." Insecurity is the biggest thief of life, fun and general contentment.
This happened to me over a few years ago, and the moment is still so fresh in my memory. I used to be such a pleaser in new situations, wanting so desparately to be accepted and respected. I molded myself to fit different groups, thinking that was what I had to do.
Funny thing that once you see it is someone else, you realize that by not being completely yourself you were not allowing yourself to be open to true friendships. While I may not fit in with any group, I have found I can still belong and develop wonderful friendships based on truth.
I think I ask myself every time I come across a person or behavior I stringly dislike , "Am I like that?" Sometimes it's hard to be honest; other times, it's easy as pie. I'll never forget the day I heard BLP, when we were next door neighbors, screaming at her children for dropping crumbs on her freshly scrubbed kitchen floor. I had no idea how ugly that was until I saw it in someone else.
That was the day I decided a sparkling floor is not worth demeaning a child.
Oh yes, it is an ugly feeling too!
I hope I have evolved a bit, but
every once in a while....
Post a Comment