Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Common Sense Fashion Tips

From the usually fashion unconscious stationed at the Neshoba County Fair.
  1. Think of wearing proper foundation garments if you are voluptuously endowed and are planning to ride fair rides. Doing so will go far in reducing embarrassment to yourself and others when you are shaken, tossed, and revealed. I really didn't need to see all that.
  2. If you weigh over 300 pounds, the tube top is not your best look, especially if you have to do major adjustments every few minutes. Honestly, I didn't know those tops had been sold since the 1980's, so why stop there. If you have reached puberty and need foundation garments, regardless of your weight, stay away from tube tops. They are not sexy, but everyone is looking while you drag, tug, and sag.
  3. Teenagers, if you have to lie down on your bed to zip and button your low rider jeans, don't leave the house. If you leave the house anyway, please don't wear a form fitting belly button revealing tank top. You look like an over stuffed sausage hanging out all over the place.
  4. Men over 18, if you win a silver winged hat with a dollar sign embroidered on the front, resist the urge to wear it. Give it to a child. You look ridiculous.
  5. Men, dress shoes and socks do not go with shorts and scary white legs.
  6. If you're planning to ride rides and eat junk until you vomit, bring an extra tee shirt or buy one of the lovely, but expensive Fair shirts. That splattered, stinky look is not flattering. Truly, do you really think people want to sit next to you on the rides?

4 comments:

Frankie said...

Oh my gosh, you had me laughing out loud.

I agree with everything on your list! Since I didn't have to see it first-hand at the moment, though, it just seemed so funny to me.

Sigh...
I had a tube top in the 1970s. What was my mother thinking???

JoVE said...

I have actually met someone who looked good in a tube top. (my colleagues were v. jealous that I was supervising her final year research project) It was the late 90s. But there are not a lot of women who can pull it off.

And I hear you on the foundation garments and vomit free t-shirts.

Wisteria said...

I, too, have met someone who looked great in a tank top, but those people are few and far between. Success wearing one hinges on confidence in the coverage of said tube. The offense is the breast baring adjustments when entire garment is pulled open and up. It appears that the larger you are the more you have to adjust.

Frankie, You probably looked great!

Cami said...

Thanks for the laugh, your observations are spot on!